My swallow-like craft flits between the towering mountains and ominous ruins. I dance between patches of sun and shadow, trying to outpace the coming night. I feel graceful and swift, free as the bird my craft so prettily imitates.
Then I lose focus for two seconds and smear myself all over the place.
Sighing, I pick the controller back up and try again, with a smile on my face.
As I ran naked up the side of a 60-story skyscraper, pursued by two aliens on hoverbikes, I started to wonder ‘am I actually enjoying myself here?’
When I reached the top and found more enemies waiting for me, these dressed as neon gorillas, I thought ‘surely there’s a point when all this ridiculousness becomes just too much?’
I picked up one of the gorilla-men with my telekinesis powers and bowled him into his friends, knocking them off the roof. As I did this, I mused ‘MWAHAHA FEAR MY GOD-POWERS, PUNY MORTALS!’
Long story short, Saints Row IV might be the most fun I’ve had in ages. All it requires is for you to turn your brain off.
It’s the home stretch. This is the final race and you’re on your worst horse, the one with only three working legs and a bad cough. You’ve survived hedges and water traps. You’ve dodged rogue, riderless horses that have escaped the control of their jockeys. You stumbled at a jump once and were thrown from your horse, but you managed a miraculous remount and kept on going.
You’ve managed to make it round the entire board, and now you’re in the lead by a mile. One dice roll is all that stands between you and a four million pound payout, and you need it. All of your savings went into this race.
You cast your eye over the group. Celebrations have started amongst those who bet on your victory, and those who made the wrong choice resign themselves to the consolation prizes of second and third place. Everyone thinks it’s all over. You begin the final roll…
Here we are at last. A month of waiting, knowing that soon, so very soon, something would happen. But it kept teasing it out, and we kept waiting, hanging on every word. Well, it’s arrived.
The true nature of the world is often disappointing and ugly, and that’s the theme that this episode centres around. Everyone has their idea of how things should work, why they deserve what they think they are owed. The truth is, however, that the universe does not care for what is owed. And if we’ve learnt anything from past series of Game of Thrones, it is that the plot is driven by story not characters, unlike so many other tales. No matter who your favourite character is, or how popular they are with the public, death and and ruin are freely available to all.
Still, it’s immensely satisfying to see those you love to hate getting slapped in the face with their own inadequacies and shame.
Onto the truths then, and the realities that characters wrestled with this week…
Bioshock Infinite is Ken Levine’s latest creation, and possibly his best creation to date. While it can suffer from some flat story-telling and combat at times, overall it is a well crafted adventure through another beautifully created world, full of detail, beauty and great action.
Gather round, ye children of God! Rest thy weary soul and listen as I tell you the tale of the glorious city of Columbia! These are My Opinions, and there shall be no spoilers!
Because I am a Useless Person of the highest order, I got totally sidetracked and forgot to write up my opinions on the second episode of Game of Thrones. If you want to read a fantastic take on the episode, I can direct you here to read something written far better than I could manage.
I will warn everyone now that this season of Game of Thrones may be even more confusing than the last. The characters are all over the place, both geographically and politically. As such, you might have to get used to the ten minute ‘Previously On’, as it’s going to help your poor brains keep up.
Now, without further ado, here are my spoilerific thoughts on the third episode, where dark wings and darker jokes seem to be the flavour-of-the-day. From start to finish, most of the characters seem to be having a snigger at other people’s bad luck. Everyone seems to be having a jolly good laugh. Nearly everyone, at least… Continue reading