A small jetty leads out into the dark waters. Tied to a mooring post, a rickety old boat bobs lazily in the calm waves, creaking in time with the undulations. An old man, weathered from years spent at sea, sits on deck enjoying a smoke and reminiscing on days gone by. The sound of footsteps on the jetty boards yanks him grudgingly from his memories, and he glances over the side to see who approaches.
Five individuals, strangers to each other and to the old man, walk towards the boat carrying suitcases and other assorted luggage. Their attire, tailored suits and pressed dresses, marks them as visitors. The rural isolation of this place seems to have cowed them, and they step lightly on the wooden causeway.
“Are ye lot lookin’ t’head out to the island? The group Dr. Brewer is expectin’?” he calls to them. Nervous nods and muttered confirmations meet his questions. “Alrighty then. Lets get those bags aboard, and I’ll get you lot off to the asylum as soon as I can.”
Out over the waters, storm clouds begin to broil.
As I ran naked up the side of a 60-story skyscraper, pursued by two aliens on hoverbikes, I started to wonder ‘am I actually enjoying myself here?’
When I reached the top and found more enemies waiting for me, these dressed as neon gorillas, I thought ‘surely there’s a point when all this ridiculousness becomes just too much?’
I picked up one of the gorilla-men with my telekinesis powers and bowled him into his friends, knocking them off the roof. As I did this, I mused ‘MWAHAHA FEAR MY GOD-POWERS, PUNY MORTALS!’
Long story short, Saints Row IV might be the most fun I’ve had in ages. All it requires is for you to turn your brain off.
**CLASSIFIED**TOP SECRET**AUTHORISED ACCESS ONLY**
The following files are extracts from mission logs of the Ministry of Defence’s XCOM branch and, mainly, the personal memoirs of its commanding officer. The information here pertains to a series of missions that took place following the First Contact events of early 2015, in conjunction with recorded operations for US-XCOM, United States.
Continuing to read these reports without proper clearance may result in sanctions, as outlined under the Official Secrets Act 2015. This disclaimer acts as a first notification and final warning of this fact.
Confession time: I never finished Amnesia: The Dark Descent. I never even played it. The closest I even got to it was watching my best friend play through ten minutes of the demo and getting to the invisible water-monster. We then put the controller down, said ‘nope’, and played LittleBigPlanet for the rest of the afternoon.
This week has seen the release of Outlast and Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs, two first-person horror games that have tried to grasp the record of ‘scariest game ever’, and both seem to have put in sterling efforts to win the prize. I will not be playing either of those games, because to do so would reduce me to a pants-wetting, gibbering mass of nerves before I’d even loaded past the main menu.
Instead, I’m going to cast off the last few shackles of shame that still cling to me, and describe five moments in my gaming history that made me have to go for a calm lie-down and a cup of tea. This list is not a highlight reel of the greatest of scares in video games, but shows that even titles not fully-geared towards horror can cause jitters and jumps in players, especially in those, like me, who aren’t hardcore terror-junkies.
Read on after the break, if you dare (and beware the spoilers lurking in the darkness)!
I love Animal Crossing, and I don’t even care who knows it (I also love Viva Pinata, but I do care a bit more about who knows that.). It’s an amazingly addictive game, and loads of fun. If you’ve succumbed to the urge to buy a copy, here are some tips for getting started as a new Mayor.
I imagine, for people who know me, that this news won’t come as a monumental revelation, but it finally happened. After resisting the temptation for 10 years, I’m now playing Dungeons & Dragons. But even though we knew this inevitable day would come, I’m ashamed that I managed to go so long without D&D, only to fail now.
Curse you, D&D: Essentials – Red Box! Curse you, and your perfectly designed introductory package!